Crimson and Honey
by Jantra
Summary: What happens when one man's soul can no longer take the pain? When all he wants to see is honey... but all that lies before him is crimson?


**\\ Just Look \\**

**by**: Jantra Hokushin  
  
[ Published:** ****] August 25, 2003****  
[ Type: ] Oddly, this is my first ever song fanfic… **

**[ Chapter** Rating: ] R****

**[Author Notes:]_ This was… I have no idea honestly. I just started writing and this is what came out. I just threw myself into the 'writer's' mind and went for it. Can you guess who is speaking, and who it is they are talking about?_**

**Song: Haunted**

**Artist: Evanescence**

_--long lost words whisper slowly to me_

_--still can't find what keeps me here_

How? How could you possibly understand what I feel, boy? How could you ever understand what lies beneath the surface? Because you don't look. You only see what lies there above the icy planes of glass some might call my eyes. Cold. Blue. Dark. Light. Shadow. I am all of these and none of them… just because you don't look. Blind. 

  
_--when all this time i've been so hollow inside_

_--i know you're still there_

I've given all I can. You might not think it much, my love, but that's only because you NEVER UNDERSTOOD! Gods, how can you be so stupid! I put my feelings on the line more then once, gave you a single moment to look right into my soul… and time and time again you just looked away. Did you ever care? Did anyone? You complain and bitch about the stupidest things… You don't understand pain.

  
_--watching me wanting me_

_--i can feel you pull me down_

I felt myself grow weaker by the day, thanks to you. I could feel something pulling me under the tide that I had so perfectly strode upon every day until that first day I laid eyes on you. Smug, loyal, strong. Stupid! STUPID! Down boy. First words I wanted to say to you. I didn't even have to say a single thing to you before you were breathing down my neck and yelling at me. Interesting. I doubt you even remember that day. I never, ever, could forget. 

Unfortunately.

_--fearing you loving you_

_--i won't let you pull me down_

You see the snow, the ice. So like my dragons, I suppose? The great beasts I control, I have become. Is it their revenge for destroying the life of their brother? Perhaps. Wouldn't surprise me. That's how life is. I feared you, I loved you, I hated you, I tried to pull you down with me. None of that worked. So now, here I am.

  
_--hunting you i can smell you – alive_

_--your heart pounding in my head_

All throughout the world and throughout my lives, I hunted you as if some part of my soul KNEW you were mine. Mine by the God's command. But no! You defied them, DEFIED ME! How dare you! …But you never even knew the truth. Just knew the stupid, simple things of your life. I've heard your words of pain, heard your cries of anger, saw your tears of sorrow. And yet… you never saw mine.

Because I hid it all.

  
_--watching me wanting me_

_--i can feel you pull me down_

I wonder, now, if maybe I had just come out and said something that maybe, maybe, you might have seen the real me. The child inside that needed someone. To hold to love to suffer with and through and breath! Ha. Like I would ever sink that low… well, it brought me here. Maybe that would have been easier. But since when have I ever taken the easy way out, my love? Everything I've ever done is dramatic, so why not this?

  
_--saving me raping me_

_--watching me_

Burning. Since when was this supposed to burn? … I never thought about it, I guess. Would your lips sear my flesh if I was to kiss them? Brush away your bangs from those wide eyes and stop that annoying voice from pouring from your throat by stealing your breath away? WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS?! Why couldn't you JUST LOOK FOR ONCE!? Am I that insignificant to you that you cant see that I'm dying here?! … I guess so.

_--watching me wanting me_

_--i can feel you pull me down_

Well, I guess it doesn't matter much. You never could see past the diamond ice. I could never touch you through its thickness. I thought heat could melt ice… then why didn't the heat of my love burn through it?.... or… am I… just that horrible, that cold… That much a coward…so cold… like the freezing burn of this knife…

  
_--fearing you loving you_

_--i wont let you pull me down_

Goodbye, my love. I will see you in the next life. I do not doubt that, anymore. I was a priest, you my slave. A great man, you my rival… dead… you alive. Even with all this blood, all I can see is honey. The honey of your eyes… the eyes that could never meet my own… 

The eyes that never saw into the soul of a dying man.


End file.
